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I cannot tell you what led me to abortion. Whatever happened before that moment is pointless. What I do remember is every second of every day thereafter. I remember every face I saw that day. I can remember every sound there was to hear. I remember antiseptic smell. I remember the hospital gown. I remember wondering how many other people had worn it before me. I remember the colors in the waiting room. I remember exactly the spot where I parked my car. I remember signing a paper stating I would have a ride home. I remember driving home alone. I remember being the only person crying in the recovery room. I remember the instructions given for "after care". I remember lying to people about where I was that day. I remember picking up my daughter from my Mom's house on my way home. I remember not being able to look at her. I remember walking in my front door. I remember the person I was before that moment.
I wish I had to conjure up these memories. Everyday since that day, without warning, I remember.
I was raised and still try to be a Catholic. I know in my heart that God will forgive me if I ask Him to. I will not ask. I will never forgive myself. My actions are unforgivable.
I have a daughter whom I love more that anything. I have wonderful parents and siblings whom I cherish. I have a good job and a nice home.
What I lost that day is peace of mind. I will never get it back.
I am sure that women have many reasons for having abortions. The circumstances leading to an unwanted pregnancy are trivial. Abortion is an extreme act of selfishness.
Selfishness so powerful I was willing to betray myself.
Selfishness so powerful I was willing to betray my unborn child.