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At the time of my sin I was not in church, but I had been yrs earlier and gotten saved. So I knew enough not commit the sin. I already had a 2 yr old little girl.
I was 19 yrs old and not married when I went through with the abortion. The place where I went had very nice people and good facility, but I don't care to ever see one again as long as I live. When I went I had to go through counceling before I went through with it. It did not matter. The memories I made for myself that day had not ever left my mind.
I thought I was helping myself but all I did was cause my heart pain. I deserve that. I had been with my unborn's dad about 3 yrs and we felt it was the right thing to do. Neither one of us was finacially stable, and I was struggling life at the time with one child. I was so wrong. I really cannot express that enough.
One to two months later I got pregnant again by the same guy. I finally realized what kind of person he was and I told him I was not giving up this baby--that I will never do that again and he left me. That was ok with me.
I suffered so much heartache over having the one abortion that I felt like I was not all there. It was very difficult looking at my beautiful little girl because I always wondered what little bit(unborn baby) would have been, what he/she would have looked liked, what memories I gave up, etc. Most of all, what right did I have interfering in God's work.
So many things ran through my head all the time. My second child was a boy, and I now have another girl. I would sit and wonder so many times how God seen fit to bless me with two more precious babies. I know now that God gave me my precious kids to fill a part of my heart that needed satisfied--I just couldn't see it at the time.
I have since all of this gotten back into church and discussed the situation with my pastor--to be informed that I needed to rededicate my life back to the Lord and that I needed to forgive myself for what I had done. That was so hard because I hated myself so much--words could not describe. I still have difficulty sometimes. I gave up a precious beautiful life that God made--for my stupidity. I know now that I can see my precious little bit in heaven one day.
I have not ever been able to tell my entire story in this detail since I committed the sin until I found this site. Not even to my pastor simply because I have had such difficulty. I thank God for this site. I am going on for the Lord and on God's time I will see my precious little bit soon.
God Bless Each And Every One Of You!