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I am 29 years old and my boyfriend and I live together. He has children and wishes for me to have an abortion. We do not have the money for a baby or for an abortion. The logical choice does seem to be abortion. I do not see how I could possibly take care of myself or this baby.
However, I am in agony. I had an ultrasound and witnessed the beating heart. I am tortured by this and the only thing I can think about is that heart. That is a life that I created and am now wishing to and most likely will terminate. The heartbreak is unbearable and I know that for the rest of my life, I will loathe myself for it.
At this very moment, I wish for my own termination because I do not see how I could possibly live with this choice.Not after seeing that heart beat. And I will not seek forgiveness because I am trash and do not deserve it.