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Twenty eight years ago while in the process of going through a divorce and annulment of a marriage of 18 years, I once again became pregnant. I believed I had no one to confide in. I believed that if the pregnancy was known, I would be forced to remain in the marriage. I had several children whom I loved with all my heart, and I thought that to remain in the marriage would continue to subject them and myself to more physical danger. In my mind, I was trapped. I did not fully understand the ramifications that an abortion would have on me for the rest of my life.
The doctor who performed the abortion in his office was very cold and indifferent and very rude to me. The nurse was more understanding and told me not to worry that all would be fine. When the abortion was completed, I was told I could "rest" on the table until I felt ready to leave. I had paid for the "procedure" in advance. I barely remember leaving the office and driving home. I remember crying for several days and others wondering what was wrong with me. To this day, I cannot remember the name of the doctor, or even where that office is located, though I still live in the same city. Perhaps that is a gift from our Lord.
The divorce and annunment were both granted and eventualy I was able to move on in life. Some years later I remarried and was granted the blessing of one more child. That is a bitter sweet blessing because on her birthday, I am always reminded that she had a sibiling 3 years older than she.
In 1998 I was blessed with a trip to Medjugorje, and while there, I went to confession to wonderful Father Phillip. He helped me to name my little one, have a Baptism and in the name of Jesus forgave me the "unforgivable". The burden has been lifted, but, the sadness will never go away. I have six beautiful children who will never know of their seventh sibling. When people say that in time one forgets they are wrong.... I shall never forget. Now when I hear of women who are considering abortion, I pray pray pray for them and the little one. If God were to say to me I will grant you anything you desire, I would beg to take back that 1 hour twenty-eight years ago.
I daily still pray "forgive me Lord I had no idea what I was doing."
I never judge anyone who has had an abortion, because I know, I really know what they are feeling.