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It's almost been a year since my abortion. I just don't know where to start right now. I always tear up when I think about what I did. I always wonder what could have been, and what my life would be like now. Would I be happier if I only kept my child? Would my boyfriend still be with me? There are so many hurtful thoughts that go through my head almost everyday. It's been so long, and I'm still depressed. It's almost like the incident happened yesterday.
I felt like I had no choice. I was only 19. My parents wanted me to finish college in four years. They would have killed me if they knew what I was up to. Huh, and my boyfriend wasn't any help either. He didn't want any kids. All he wanted me to do was get an abortion. I knew I couldn't pay for the kid. I knew that I wasn't ready to be a mother. And I was greatly scared of going through labor. I was afraid that everyone would think that I was trashy. I just wanted it to all go away before anyone started making any judgements. Oh and I was soooo scared that my boyfriend was going to leave me.
Of course I decided abortion. It was the worst experience of my life. A life was being ripped out of me. I hated myself and I even hated my boyfriend too. The noise, the smell, the sight of the little room they put you in makes me depressed till this day. I will never do that again. Never!! I want my baby back. I want it back...
I'm still with my boyfriend. I'm on birthcontrol. I think about whether my baby would have been a boy or girl. I even picked out baby names. I kinda wish I could have a second chance of having a baby. I even thought of stopping birthcontrol and just getting pregnant again and having the baby. I regret having an abortion. Oh yea, and my parents found out. But they have suppported my decision. They are helping me cope with the pain today. And my boyfriend is helping me as well. Now I have to find a way to move on. I suggest to have the baby, and try your best to be a good mother. Don't be scared! There are people out there that will help you. Thanks for listening to me