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We had 2 children - a boy and a girl and my husband and I decided that it was enough - our family was complete. He was not earning too well and was transferred out of town, so I too had to continue working. My mother lived with us and took care of the kids. When my husband returned back after a short holiday with us, I found that I was pregnant.
My husband was totally upset and though I was against abortion, I allowed myself to be convinced that we would never be able to manage another child, because of financial constraints and also, because there was no one to look after a baby, since my mother had a stroke and was just out of hospital. Around the same time, my mother had eye problems and became almost totally blind (she had to undergo surgery, which eventually restored sight in one eye.) But at that time I was desperate, since I had to continue working.
My husband came with me to the hospital for the abortion. We did not tell anyone. I just did not allow myself to think or feel anything. After that I went into depression. Though I attended Mass whenever I could, I would not go to Confession or receive Holy Communion for some months. Then, one day my husband and I went and met a priest and confessed what we had done. He forgave us and told us that God always forgives us our sins, if we are truly repentant.
Even after that, the guilt feelings still persisted. Two years after the abortion, one day, during mass, the priest gave a small sermon - the topic was that God always gives us a second chance to make amends - and around the same time I found out that I was pregnant again. I took this as a sign that it was my second chance and this time I refused point blank to have an abortion when it was suggested to me by the doctor because it did not seem the baby was growing well, I had lost weight and developed high blood pressure. This was probably due to the fact that at the same time, my mother suffered from two strokes, one after another and was in hospital most of the time I was pregnant.
Anyway, I left everything to Jesus and Mary and delivered a full-term perfectly healthy, beautiful baby boy. My mother died a year later and inspite of the 3 children, working full time and with my husband posted out most of the time, I have managed to bring them up with the help of my other relatives and Jesus and Mary. The baby really healed the guilt I felt and was, for me a second chance, which I took and never regretted.