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hi, i am reading all your stories today and searching for comfort because i had an abortion 2 years ago and it feels like it was yesterday. Everything is so clear to me still.
I became a teen mother pretty young, was involved with a man and quickly rushed into everything, i already had a child by him. Then our relationship started to get bad, it wasnt over but he was cheating on me. He would leave nightly as me and his child sat home. I cried alot.
One day i met a man who seemed to comfort me and talked to me about everything. we slept together and then i never heard from him, little did i know i was pregnant. I was in denial when i found out for sure. I cried cried and still cried knowing what option did i have i was married to a man carrying another one's baby whose last name i didn't even know.
I was never pro choice but i didn't know where to turn. It was like living in hell those weeks the clinic i had to go on with it for weeks b/c they kept saying it was too soon even at 11 weeks. At 12 weeks they gave me the pill which i opted for. I thought it would be less painful for my baby then them sucking it out of me.
Boy was i wrong, after the pill the next 4 weeks were agony. Everytime i went to the bathroom, i saw clots not knowing which one of them could be my baby. After 6 weeks the bleeding didn't stop, so i went back and they told me they had to do a dnc b/c it hadn't fully worked. Half of my baby had come out but not all of it. I almost ran out of the room and wanted to die my self i couldn't imagine what all i had done and gotten into.
Then the doctor put this big tube in me and sucked all the remains out and i was free or was i? Yea, inside i had no baby, but my mind wasn't free.I felt like i had lost a real human being. I still to this day think what else could i have done, but the pain will never go away. I can't tell anyone not to do what i did because life doesn't give u options but i hope no one has to live with that pain forever like i do. All i can say is dont be careless about getting pregnant b/c no one can imagine the hurt the loss of a little tiny fetus can cause.
My little baby will live on in my heart forever and what heals me now is that he/she is with God in heaven. To anyone that feels guilt u should know it all happens for a reason and all our little ones that aren't here ane in the best place, with God looking down smiling.
-- submitted anonymously
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