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My story still haunts me and leaves me dumbfounded because I grew up in a strong Catholic home. I went to Catholic school the first three years and then all the sacraments, CCD, etc. Looking back, I loved and feared God, but never had a relationship. Never truly understood the blood of Jesus. Know after my ordeal (s) I have accepted Jesus as my savior and have developed a loving relationship with God.
But before that my life was awful. I was in severe depression. I attemped suicide more that once. Once I even cut myself so close to an artery that I could have died. I also gained alot of weight. Isn't that ironic, I destroyed the body I was afraid to destroy (due to vanity) when I was pregnant.
The reason that I am still dumbfounded, I can't believe a girl that was so fearful of even kissing a boy or doing anything to get in trouble, got into bad realtionships that ended in 2 abortions. Even though I found God and have acepted his forgiveness there are days that I can't believe what I have done.
I blocked out all the hideous memories. I guess what I am saying - abortion is such a horrible thing. You are killing a child, a part of you but you are also destroying your soul and your well being. What makes me mad is our society, we encourage and talk about Pro-choice, yet I have yet to see a person talk openly about abortion saying "it is the best thing they have ever done".
It is a holocaust that is detroying children and every life they would have touched: their mother, father, grandparents, aunts, uncles and siblings. If I could help anyone that is pregnant and confused - please, I beg you, DO NOT get an abortion. Put your child up for an adoption before you do that. I need to add that I was pregnant 3 times - one of the pregnancy I was going to put my child up for adoption with a wonderful family I knew but I had a miscarriage. Even that is hard but to know that you saved a life and want to give it a wonderful life - takes courage. I went to a weekend workshop "project Rachel" and that is when I found out that people with multiple pregnancies/abortions - continually repeat because of depression and self loathing.
Love yourself - take care of yourself and most importantly take care of the unborn.