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Hi, I too was 19 on my first pregnancy, I thought I loved the man I was with for 5 years, when I told him I was pregnant, he said have an abortion, I am not ready to be a father, he wanted to give his child more than what he could. it ended in an abortion, a small clinic filled with sorrowful girls, depressing, guilt-fill room, and I was going to be one of them, feel remorse for the two children I have litteraly killed... nobody around me could mention the words children... I went through the abortion alone.
After it was done, I immediatly felt as if something was wrong. I blocked all feelings around the abortion, I was numb... at the age of 21, I again was pregnant, feeling as if this was it, the same father of the baby, was not ready, I felt I could not do this alone... again resulted in abortion... after my second one I felt ashamed, guilty, depressed, and there wasn't a minute of every day I didn't n or abortion without my going into a deep depresion and crying...
I never really understood my feelings and why it hurt sooo much to have aborted my kids, at that time in my life I was not a practicing christian. I now have twin girls and am fully into my christianity... I know God has sent me these girls for a reason, to remind me how precious life is, truely precious, although I can never forgive myself for aborting my two children, I always will think of them and keep them in my prayers and in hopes God will someday forgive what I have done to his precious child.
For many years I lived with the guilty feelings and wanted to get pregnant just to replace what I had already killed inside me, although my children now are made from love, they never replaced the feeling I have for the aborted children I didn't have.... I can only hope they live with God in heaven, they did nothing wrong... and who are we to take a precious life that is given to us as a gift from God.
I hope this message will reach someone and give them a stronger grasp on holding on to the pregnancy, it was not by chance you are pregnant, that child inside you was meant to be, meant for something in this world.... please read more if you still have doubts... I truley urge you talk and pray with God, ask Mother Mary for guidance before you make a decision... May God be with you always