ProLife Story 44
I am 18 years old and I had an abortion 3 weeks ago. I had been with my boyfriend for 6 months when I found out I was pregnant. I was very confused and didnt know what to do. I knew I had only two options because adoption wasnt an option for me. There was no way I could have a child and then give it away to someone else. I was very upset because I thought being pregnant was supposed to be a good thing but it just wasnt the right time for me.
I was in two minds about what to do. Half of me felt I could do it, even though I only had a part time job and was still living with my parents. But the other half of me thought that the best option was to have an abortion.My boyfriend told me that he would support me whatever I decided. The whole experience was horrible for me. I was being sick all the time and he would rather be out having fun with his friends than be with me. At one point I decided to keep the baby, I even started thinking about names and pictured me, my boyfriend and the baby being a proper little family. I thought as long as I have him, I could do it.
However as the weeks went on, it became clear that he did not want it and was not going to be there for me. I was so scared. I couldnt bear being left on my own with no money and a baby. I always thought that when I have a baby I would be married and would be able to give it the best of everything in life. But all I had to offer this baby was my love. The few people that knew about me being pregnant told me that having an abortion was the best thing to do. I was so upset but i agreed to go through with the abortion. I knew I was doing the wrong thing as I wanted this baby so much but somehow I felt it was my only option. The experience of it was the worst of my life and was a day I will never forget. I regret it so deeply now even much so that I tried to kill myself just three days after. The pain I felt was unbearable and I just couldnt live with the guilt. I regret it so much and would give anything to have my baby back.
I would have been a good mother. Everytime I see a baby or a pregnant girl it kills me inside. I dont think anyone realises how badly this has affected me. Somehow I blame my boyfriend for it because if he told me to keep it and that we could do it then I would not have gone through with it. We are still together now but we argue all the time and things just aren`t the same between us. I keep thinking about what my baby would have looked like and what joy it would have brought to my life. I guess I`ll never know now. All i know is that I regret it deeply and hope God will forgive me.
Everyday I apologise to my unborn child. My advice to anyone thinking about having an abortion is that if you yourself want this baby, then follow your heart and not your head as that is where I went wrong and made the worst mistake of my life. A mistake which I will never be able to undo. And a regret I have to live with for the rest of my life.
-- submitted anonymously
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